There's No Affection, Only Infection

I want to be enough. I want to be able to do simple things. I want to be able to do big things. I want to bring a smile on your face and hug you when you’re upset. I want to sing to you, it might sound bad, but it’ll have to do. I want to hold you. I want to smell your distinctive scent. I want to trace shapes on your chest. I want to lay my head on your shoulders. I want to be enough. I want to make you happy. I want to understand your thoughts. I want to help you express your ideas. I want to listen to your voice. I want to lay with you. I want to make love to you. I want to hear you say “I love you”. I want to say “I love you too”. I want to be enough. I want to look into your eyes. I want to laugh with you. I want to see you. I want to love you. I want to be with you. I want to be enough for you. But I’m not…

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I want you to kiss me
Up against the wall
I want to feel the heat of your body
I want it to fog up my glasses
I want to wrap my legs around your waist
I want you to make love to me
Up against the wall
I want to lay on the floor with you afterwards
Go to sleep with you
Hear your loud snores and my hushed breaths
And leave my pride and innocence
Up against the wall 

Ripped jeans

You’re difficult, uneasy and reckless. You never know what to say, and you never do shit right. You seem to always be there when I don’t really need you, but whenever you leave I always seem to care. You don’t care about my needs, not even your own. You’re selfish and ungrateful. You’re special though, your like my favorite pair of ripped jeans.. you keep me unexposed, but you can always see right through me.

I write sins.. not tragedies

I didn’t mean to.. I really didn’t. I didn’t mean to break your heart. I guess that’s what happens when you try to fight fire with fire. But you see.. I tried to put it out, but you forced it to keep going. You fed it more and more, and it grew bigger and bigger, until it just had to die. I killed it you see, and I meant it. I needed it to die, it was burning my skin off. The heat was giving me a nose bleed. It was making me hallucinate. It was making me see things that weren’t there and making me forget the things that were. But the thing is.. even after you put out the fire, you can still see the burns, and those burns turn to scars. These scars mark who I am.. they are who I have become. My beauty has faded.. inside and out. And you won’t even look at me with these hideous wounds in my soul and these scars on my face.. I just didn’t have enough water to put the fire out to begin with..

Unfinished love

I imagine you coming back for me in another life, returning for the love we had not finished. The love that smelled of sweet honeysuckle and tea. That tasted like sour lemons and vinegar. That felt like Egyptian cotton and red silk. This very love that brought you and I together. That drifted us apart.

The way that I love you

Loving you is like trying to explain why the sun rises every morning and why it sets every evening. It’s like looking into a mirror and trying to touch your reflection but the mirror ceases you. The way you attempt to carress the sky and the wind and how you try to describe the way water tastes. The way you try to communicate with your eyes… with your body. The way the scent in the air changes once you step onto the beach. The way your hands are a perfect outline of mine. The way your shadow overlaps mine. The way you breathe when we lose our innocence to those many drunken nights and white linen sheets. The way you taste when your mouth intertwines with mine. The way your body sways. The way you can’t describe any of those things at all. The way I wish I could. The way I hope I did. The way I hope you understand, the way that I love you.